Fall Like A Feather

Dec 2007 -

I cannot quite remember if I was looking for anything in particular on that sunny afternoon in the gorgeous hallways of a church in Jerusalem. A prayer stared at me everywhere I looked, the same prayer translated in different languages of the world, for everyone to read.

Was I looking for solitude as I attempted to lose the rest of the group? I am sure I was thinking about my misgivings with regard to religion. The more I think about it, the more I am ill-convinced. Disbelieving of the whole farce that constitutes the perfect path to eternal life. Only one road, apparently. The hogwash just gets to me sometimes. Sorry I digress. So, my photographer friend found me and captured this memory. Thank you C, you are as wonderful as your pictures. Calm is how I felt and it was pretty.

4 Mar 2012 -

I was asked to read a few lines as I silently blended with perfect strangers seated in an almost-perfect circle at our church foyer in Minneapolis.

I didn't have any preparation time, so my heart raced a little at the prospect of reading out these lines -

When you pray lay aside thoughts that peck the body and dive after souls.

Lay aside fears that give birth to needs, concerns that lay ambush to the future, mistakes that make poison the past.

When you pray lay aside thoughts of where you are and what you are doing, of your struggle to walk the path, and even your hopes to leave behind a few final footsteps in the sand.

Then pull from under you what little ground you still stand on and fall like a feather into the hand of God.

Rest there so lightly that when you think about it (which you will not do) , you will feel no longer where you end and where God begins.

(Henri Nouwen)

I am not sure why I was randomly asked to read these lines at the end of a short but sweet busy-person Lenten retreat. It was a one-on-one kind and my spiritual director friend just focused on centering silence for me, because I asked for silence.

I then looked up at these unknown faces, and it didn't matter any more as I sat there awed at a tiny miracle in those few moments of reflection. Calm is how I felt and it was pretty.

Stained Glass @ Newman Center - Mar 2012

I later learned about the interesting life of the deceased author Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen and a documented account of his struggles.