On a beautiful fall afternoon almost 2 years ago, I met him. I distinctly remember my impressions of this tall and fit boy. It was love at first sight even though he remained mostly reserved.
His mum told me about how he has always been slow to trust due to a troubled past. He didn't resist my company but I was surely not earning his affection just yet.
I met him as much as I could. We would walk, converse and play and one day he decided to lean against me. That day was a special one - he finally decided to show me what unrestrained and deep affection was all about. There has been no turning back and the wait was worth it.
His name is Toby, and he is the older of a golden retriever duo. I will write about little Marley and his curly white lashes another time. Tonight I am all Toby's. His breathing is labored, but Toby decides to stay as calm as he possibly can while the rest of us are crumbling around him.
His mum always uses Peace to describe him. She couldn't have chosen a better word to signify his personality. Toby gave me love and peace as he leaned against me each time he greeted me. Every time he turned to make sure if I was still there. And every time he said goodbye when it was time to return home.
I feel very honored tonight as he wears my tee and sleeps near my arm. One of his soft ears flaps by the side of the bed as he curls comfortably next to his mum.
Toby we will let you go if you are ready, but till then I know you will keep doing your best. Your demeanor indicates not an ounce of resistance nor conflict typical of death. I am not surprised and hope that I can reflect the same kind of acceptance when my time comes. I will smile when I think of all our relaxing strides as we walked together past stone-arch and into cobbled streets. I will remember the night you visited us and let me know how much you loved your brother's birthday cake. And because I am human, I continue to hope that you will make it to your sixth Toby.
I look at your drooping brown eyes as you ask of me nothing more but calmness tonight.
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